I feel the need to post something, so I've decided to share this brief examination of the darker aspects of my psyche. This is actually a note that I posted on Facebook a year ago that generated a lot of (mostly negative) comments haha. Now that I have been introduced to the Eastern mindset through my class that explores Asian religions, however, I am aware that the notion of the duality of human nature and of nature in general is an illusion, a human attempt to understand everything from an all-or-nothing perspective.
I have come to the conclusion that I must be a closet goth. This is because I am in favor of exploring and embracing the dark side of human nature, and I find comfort in a subjective reality. I do not believe the answer is black and white, just as I believe it is wrong to let societal standards dictate one’s morality. I like the idea of moral ambiguity, for the simple reason that we are all individuals. While it is only human to desire a “one-size-fits-all” moral code, I realize that it will not always be this simple. Maybe our inherent fear of the unknown is to blame for our unwillingness to acknowledge that the answer lies within the grey areas. Perhaps we have been led astray by our human instinct to label and categorize all that we perceive, to understand everything in objective terms. As lazy as I am and as much as I would love for life to be an “easy A,” I know that the only truths worth knowing are the ones that can be found lurking among the shadows. For aren’t we as humans each our own individual shade of grey?
I find solace among the shadows because they remind me that I am an individual. To me, that which our society has written off as morbid or macabre is the mirror that asserts my humanity, and I know in my gut that it is good to be human. I believe that there is a dark side to every fairy tale and that to deny this side of the story is to deny ourselves. My bones vibrate in response to this acknowledgment of my darker self, humming a melody that I can call my own and that will eventually soothe me to sleep. I suppose the darkness I refer to is a metaphor, a tool that allows me to come to terms with the fact that I will never reach a state of complete understanding in my current form of being, and that is okay. The darkness I speak of is the pool of water in which I see the reflection of my true self, just as I see things through a lens which reflects the world back to me, creating my personal reality.
Perhaps a more socially-acceptable way to express this idea can be summed up in the phrase “it’s all relative,” by which I mean we can only experience pain, pleasure, fear, hope, and love as these emotional states relate to what we already believe as a result of past experiences. In other words, one person’s pain may very well be another’s pleasure. I cannot help that I perceive sunlight as something sinister; it is simply a matter of personal preference. This does not, however, mean that I am not responsible for my moral decisions. Rather, I must strive to use the tools I have to reach truths about my own little world and then, by examining the implications of these minor truths, come to greater realizations about the human condition.
I have discovered that it is only by embracing all that is surreal and seeking refuge in my imagination that I am able to achieve a state of mental peace. I have given up trying to answer the questions “Where does one draw the line between reason and insanity?” or “Is not mental stability a quality which falls along a spectrum?” or “What is it exactly that separates me from a person I view as being crazy?” By accepting that it is futile to attempt to make sense of it all, I am finally free to be myself—a closet goth. But that’s just me :)
"It is said that in the heart of the darker fairy tales out there we can find shadows of ourselves, and that by embracing these shadows we become closer to being whole."
I have come to the conclusion that I must be a closet goth. This is because I am in favor of exploring and embracing the dark side of human nature, and I find comfort in a subjective reality. I do not believe the answer is black and white, just as I believe it is wrong to let societal standards dictate one’s morality. I like the idea of moral ambiguity, for the simple reason that we are all individuals. While it is only human to desire a “one-size-fits-all” moral code, I realize that it will not always be this simple. Maybe our inherent fear of the unknown is to blame for our unwillingness to acknowledge that the answer lies within the grey areas. Perhaps we have been led astray by our human instinct to label and categorize all that we perceive, to understand everything in objective terms. As lazy as I am and as much as I would love for life to be an “easy A,” I know that the only truths worth knowing are the ones that can be found lurking among the shadows. For aren’t we as humans each our own individual shade of grey?
I find solace among the shadows because they remind me that I am an individual. To me, that which our society has written off as morbid or macabre is the mirror that asserts my humanity, and I know in my gut that it is good to be human. I believe that there is a dark side to every fairy tale and that to deny this side of the story is to deny ourselves. My bones vibrate in response to this acknowledgment of my darker self, humming a melody that I can call my own and that will eventually soothe me to sleep. I suppose the darkness I refer to is a metaphor, a tool that allows me to come to terms with the fact that I will never reach a state of complete understanding in my current form of being, and that is okay. The darkness I speak of is the pool of water in which I see the reflection of my true self, just as I see things through a lens which reflects the world back to me, creating my personal reality.
Perhaps a more socially-acceptable way to express this idea can be summed up in the phrase “it’s all relative,” by which I mean we can only experience pain, pleasure, fear, hope, and love as these emotional states relate to what we already believe as a result of past experiences. In other words, one person’s pain may very well be another’s pleasure. I cannot help that I perceive sunlight as something sinister; it is simply a matter of personal preference. This does not, however, mean that I am not responsible for my moral decisions. Rather, I must strive to use the tools I have to reach truths about my own little world and then, by examining the implications of these minor truths, come to greater realizations about the human condition.
I have discovered that it is only by embracing all that is surreal and seeking refuge in my imagination that I am able to achieve a state of mental peace. I have given up trying to answer the questions “Where does one draw the line between reason and insanity?” or “Is not mental stability a quality which falls along a spectrum?” or “What is it exactly that separates me from a person I view as being crazy?” By accepting that it is futile to attempt to make sense of it all, I am finally free to be myself—a closet goth. But that’s just me :)
"It is said that in the heart of the darker fairy tales out there we can find shadows of ourselves, and that by embracing these shadows we become closer to being whole."
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